The 92nd Edition
I used to work hard because I didn’t think I was enough.
Something to Think About
If your drive is coming from a place of proving your self worth, it will never feel like enough.
Something to Ask Yourself
Are you training because you love it, or because you feel like you have something to prove?
Personal Lesson
In my mid twenties, and a lot of time before to be fair, I was deep in grind/hustle culture. Hard to define what exactly that is, but if you know you know. 4AM starts, no days off… I trained hard, worked hard, and built my identity around being someone who pushed themselves. The greatest compliment I could receive was “you’re a work horse.”
On the outside, it no doubt looked disciplined, but inside, there was a constant feeling that I wasn’t enough. I always felt I needed to do, achieve and become more. My inherent worth as a person was practically non existent.
I maintained very little balance. Work hard, play hard was the motto. It wasn’t that I didn’t have fun, or that I was a recluse. I was a social person, a heavy drinker, a “yes man”, but I didn’t let that get in the way of my training (or so I thought) and I never really felt settled.
If I hit a goal, I’d quickly be thinking about the next one. Like, if I achieved something, it would be a mere few hours before I was thinking about what else I could achieve. And if I fell slightly short, it confirmed what I already believed… that the truly negative, self loathing perspective I had towards myself.
Kindness towards myself felt like mediocrity, rest felt weak, and everything had to be earned.
Eventually, my maturity perhaps started to catch up and I realised I could still be ambitious, disciplined, still push myself without trying to prove anything to anyone.
I’ll admit the work didn’t stop, and I still want to achieve great things. I still think about my “potential” and doing my best, but the feeling around it has changed.
On my best days, everything has became lighter.
More sustainable.
Ironically, I’ve noticed I’ve started showing up better because of it.
Smart training is more productive. Happy work is more relaxed and life is more enjoyable.
I like myself more now, too. And that is something 25 yr old Tommy could tear up about if he could hear me now.
Running – Life’s Metaphor
Running has a way of exposing your motivations. If you’re constantly chasing validation, it becomes heavy and exhausting.
But when you run because you genuinely want to, it becomes freeing.
The same effort, completely different experience.
Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this and it’s resonating, please keep reading.
I still value discipline and absolutely respect hard work. In fact, it’s one of the most important attributes I value in others and in myself.
I still set big goals for myself (some may say stupid ones).
But the reason behind it all has changed, and trust me when I say that changes absolutely everything.
When your motivation is external, you’re always chasing something just out of reach. You’re constantly trying to prove that you’re good enough, and the finish line keeps moving. It doesn’t matter how much you achieve, it rarely feels like it lands. Like there’s an “untapped potential” that you never reach.
I have been told before that I have great potential. This is only meant in the kindest way, but I believe that has always stayed with me as a question that will always remain unanswered: “will I ever reach my potential?”
I see a lot of that in the fitness space.
People training from a place of insecurity, masked as discipline. It’s not always obvious, but you can feel it. And frankly, I find it exhausting to watch. Because I found it exhausting to live.
You don’t need to let go of ambition to change this. You don’t need to stop caring. You just need to loosen your grip a little. Let the work come from a place of curiosity, enjoyment, and internal drive, rather than pressure.
Because there is so much more to be gained when you stop trying to prove something to the world and start doing things that genuinely excite you.
You are enough. 
RUN THE RUNNABLE 😉